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Seriously, were you even trying?

11 April 2008

This thing pissed me off for several weeks. One of my nephew’s toys is a set of letters, numbers and images that were, theoretically, designed to enrich the young mind and let it practice the alphabet and learn the basics of calculus. Well, in theory. These are samples of what Chinese manufacturers want to impose upon the feeble minds of our young:

Busses (please, I beg you, let me know if you see more than one bus in here):

Idiotic bricks, part 1

Yacht : a strange in-breed of a jet-ski and a slipper

Idiotic bricks - part 2

Truck: well, for all my English knowledge, a bicycle can barely withstand the weight of a 100 kilo individual, and I really don’t think it can be misinterpreted as a “truck”…

Idiotic bricks - part 3

Lion: OK, OK, I understand that you want the kids to get an idea of what a lion might look like, but come on! This Chernobyl experiment of a dog with a mane and a dart impaled into his ass should be considered as a lion??

Idiotic bricks - part 4

Now, we get on to the back of the box, on which we can see exquisite depictions of the other products that our brainy producers have come up with. They also have samples of animals, that our youngsters can learn how their names are spelled by using the letter bricks. Let’s see what other animals they have to show us:

Porpoise: now, I don’t know exactly what you think, but this creature looks like some sort of weird interspecies relation had been going on between a duck and a dolphin. Porpoises are small relatives of dolphins, and what’s distinctive about them is their beak, which is significantly shorter than that of their dolphin cousins. Do you find any resemblance whatsoever between these two?

Idiotic bricks - part 5 and this Porpoise ? Coz I can’t find…

Rhinoceros: in all those movies with the wild fauna of Africa, I can’t recall seeing rhinos running like rabbits do…

Idiotic bricks- part 6

Snake: at least this fella is so cute and cuddly, you might want to make him your pet and sleep with him during the night…

Idiotic bricks - part 7

Want a larger view upon these magnificent representations of wild beasts? Please, enjoy…

Animals representations (or so do the Chinese think...)

Animals, again...

Weeee, bugs!

Isn’t that nice! Since not all of our offspring will have abilities in the field of nature, maybe a bit of technicality would do the trick. Yeah, rockets, cars, stuff like that is good for boys, especially:

The happy Hindenburg...

Rockets ans shit

WHAT THE FUCK IS A NAVVY? And since when children are to learn slang forms of words such as “pigboat” instead of “submarine”? Nevermind that rocket thing which isn’t even a rocket, more a space shuttle of some sort, but why the fuck the bus looks like any second now is going to topple over and throw all its passengers off their seats (besides it’s obviously a double-decker, as most of the world’s buses AREN’T) ?

Well, maybe I should borrow some of their Chinese wisdom, and quote their unmistakable words: “THIS IS A SET OF SERIES INTELLIGENCE TOY. PLAYING THIS BLOCKS CAN SATISFY CHILDREN’SWANTS AS EVERYTHING CAN BE BUILT UP BYTHEMSELVES”… Fucking Chinese!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 12 April 2008 9:47 pm

    A – Automaton ? What the hell…

  2. sodiumpentothal permalink*
    12 April 2008 9:49 pm

    Yay! Our children are so smart, they can even spell AUTOMATON! Aren’t they fuckin’ clever?

  3. 12 April 2008 10:16 pm

    They seem to have invented a whole goddamned range of objects…

  4. 13 April 2008 1:00 pm

    Vai..si eu care credeam ca au evitat elementele de warfare :)) totusi…it’s good that they didn’t introduce any shotguns yet…pe la 4-5 ani submarine si tancuri…iar mai tarziu, pe la 7-8 ani probabil o sa apara si mitralierele 🙂

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